Tea Snobbery

I was just reading Rhondi's blog "Rose Coloured Glasses" (or "R. COLORED G. if you're American) in which she's showing us a gorgeous tea pot she' bought. It made me think, you know, what a lot of tea snobs we still are here in England.

You would think we invented the stuff. Crikey, we can't even grow it! How you store it, how you warm the pot, how many spoons of tea you use, whether you stir it or just leave it to infuse (or 'mash' or 'brew' depending on where you come from in this sceptred isle), what temperature the water should be, milk into the cup first or last, sugar lumps or granulated. It's a minefield!

Now I wouldn't presume to tell you how you ought to mash tea - my term of choice. I just want to lead you gently through some of the pitfalls, then you're on your own.

The first Enormous Question is "Tea bags or leaf tea?". Now I have to say that even here most people use teabags. Purists will by now have shot me down in flames because, as EVERYBODY knows, teabags are just the sweepings-up from the packing room floor. Incuding the dust and ants and spiders and leftover sandwich crumbs. OK, following? So leaf tea it is then then.

By common consent, you keep tea in a cool, dry place but NOT in a tupperware box even if it has "Tea" printed on it in pseudo gold-leaf. Not in anything made of plastic. A wooden tea caddy for choice but a china one if you must. Eons ago they used to line their wooden tea caddies with lead but someone must have set them right on that score. The lady of the house also used to keep her tea caddy locked so the dastardly servants didn't pinch it because tea was almost literally worth its weight in gold. We might do well to consider this idea again. Oh, I forgot, we don't have servants! So, it's in an unlocked wooden box. Are you with me so far? It's a wonder Tupperware hasn't gone out of business seeing as it seems not to be recommended for anything very much.

How much tea to use - that's a tricky one. If you use the 'one for each cup and one for the pot' rule of thumb you're setting yourself up for tea you could stand your spoon up in! Some people actually like it like that - there's nowt so queer as folk! Ooh, my friend Marcy is going to have a field day with that last statement! I say, make it how you like it and if anyone wants it stronger, stick a tea bag in their cup for them to stab at.

When the water hits the tea in the pot it has to be boiling and you must "...always use freshly drawn water.". The tea is supposed to be in a dry pot. It's important, apprently. It's also important you warm the pot by putting some of the boiling water in it. By the time you have done this and then dried the pot and put your loose tea in you'll be lucky if it's even lukewarm by the time the water hits.

Whether you put the milk in first or last is a knotty problem which has long occupied the purists. Personally, I don't put any milk in at all, not in mine, but this has maybe made me a bit selfish because if you put the milk in last it means you have to mucky a spoon stirring the tea (more washing up) when your guest might not have bothered if he/she didn't want sugar. Put the milk in first and it's self-agitating. Of course you always get the guest who can't possibly get on and drink the stuff until he/she has stirred it within an inch of its life. I had an uncle like that. He did all his best thinking while gazing blankly into space stirring his tea. No doubt he had a learned tome on the origin of the species within him only Darwin stirred his tea first.

Sugar lumps or granulated is a matter of personal choice too. People like my uncle are better off with lumps as they take a little while to dissolve and gives some purpose to their labour. Don't give such people the best china cups through - a thick mug will do - as, once done stirring, they absolutely HAVE to rap the edge of the spoon sharply on the rim of the cup. Twice. Your best Spode won't stand it.

Arrogantly, we are always surprised to find other nationalities do drink tea. We thought it was our sole preserve. They don't half do some strange things with it though.

My German friend likes hers made in a pot and the pot then perched on a stand with a tea light (a little candle thing) under it. That saves using a tea cosy and is fine if you like stewed tea. Then she pours some cream - CREAM - in her cup, followed by a couple of spoonsful of white candy sugar. Then she pours on the stewed tea into the mix very carefully but doesn't stir it. She drinks the tea, being careful not to disturb the syrupy sediment in the bottom. Then it's in with the teaspoon and she EATS the sugary mess! Then she does it all over again.

An Indian bloke that Keith worked with didn't use water at all in his. He infused a cinnamon stick in boiling milk to make it. Well, it did at least solve ONE problem! You would think he'd know better, coming from the same place as the tea. It couldn't be US who's wrong could it?

I favour this method, as long as no guests are coming: TYea bag in mug, boil the kettle up - for the umpteenth time - and leave tea bag i while you find a nice biscuit to dunk. Fish tea bag out and enjoy.

How do you drink yours?